Autism as a difference or a disorder? Exploring the views of individuals who use peer-led online support groups for autistic partners.
Non-autistic partners often decide their spouse is autistic from online clips, shaping the whole relationship.
01Research in Context
What this study did
Lewis (2023) joined online groups where non-autistic partners talk about their autistic spouses.
She read posts and asked members why they think their partner is autistic.
Most people in the groups had no formal diagnosis for their partner.
What they found
Some partners saw autism as a simple brain difference. Others called it a disorder that needs fixing.
Many labeled their partner autistic after reading online lists or watching TikToks.
These self-made labels shaped how happy they felt in the marriage.
How this fits with other research
Andrews et al. (2024) found that autistic adults who learn from peer blogs feel less shame than those who learn from doctors. Foran’s partners are doing the same thing—learning from peers—but without their partner’s input.
Cage et al. (2024) showed that adults who finally get a real diagnosis feel validated. Foran’s couples skip this step and risk missing real support.
Atherton et al. (2019) heard autistic teens say “we’re different, not broken.” Foran’s partners split into the same two camps—difference vs. disorder—showing the debate never ends.
Why it matters
If you coach couples, ask how the autism label first came up. If it came only from social media, suggest a formal assessment. A real diagnosis opens doors to funding, therapy, and community. It also protects the autistic partner from being defined by Internet stereotypes.
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02At a glance
03Original abstract
Individuals who use peer-led online support groups for partners of autistics describe diverse views of autism, with some describing autism as a difference and others describing it as a disorder. I conducted online interviews with 162 non-autistics who believed they were in relationships with autistics and who participated in online support groups on social media. I analyzed their responses by constantly comparing each interview to previous interviews to develop a theory about their social experiences. As many as one-third of autistics participate in romantic relationships, and many of their partners seek support through groups on social media. Few studies explore what it is like to be a non-autistic person who is in a relationship with an autistic person. The way that participants viewed autism influenced the way that they viewed themselves, their partners, and their relationships. Many participants who were dissatisfied in their relationships shared that they believed their partners were autistic, but their partners had never been formally evaluated and did not self-identify as autistic. Future research should explore ways that autism labels are (mis)applied by the general public based on negative stereotypes about autism.
Autism : the international journal of research and practice, 2023 · doi:10.1177/13623613221097850